Today, we need to have a discussion for the Health of the Nation. Healthy groups are able to discuss issues, even things that the parties disagree on, in a healthy and functional way.
In fact the old saying, "We'll have to agree to disagree" is a sort of an agreement. You have agreed to disagree and now you can move on. Life goes on and the relationship continues and is not dependent on achieving agreement on every point of every subject.
Many experts believe the greatest issue we face today, is the polarity between factions. The venom, the intensity of the disagreement. Not the disagreements themselves, but the intensity with which we choose to disagree. We routinely ascribe horrible traits to those we differ with. People might say: "They are Nazis" or "they are destroying democracy", or "they are racist", or "haters", etc.
And so it is with all of us. Even if we disagree on some issues, we should still talk rationally and logically and explore our differences. Let's see where we can find common ground, let's see where we can compromise and work out a solution. But in the end, let's respect each other, and "Agree to Disagree", if needed. Our relationships and friendships can and should continue, even if we disagree. Even if we vote differently. Friendship and respect between people of differing opinions is not only possible, but highly desirable.
And That Brings Us to the Trans Issue
People do have strong feeling about this topic. But I think there is more agreement on the main issue than many realize.
My wife and I were introduced to the Trans issue back in the 80's. We had a tenant, a former marine who was attempting to transition. He was about 6'2", muscular and looked like a marine. He always seemed to have a heavy 5 o'clock shadow. But he began wearing long hair wigs, and dresses and trying to be a female. Of course, as his landlord we had one serous concern. And that concern was settled every month when he paid the rent on time. We kind of stayed connected with him, even after he moved out of our apartment, and we were sad when he later committed suicide.
Back then trans people didn't announce or demand the use of certain pronouns. I think their strategy was to make themselves look enough like the opposite gender, that people believed they were that gender and used pronouns that seemed to fit. In his case a wig, a dress and some makeup didn't fool anybody. He was a huge, muscular, former marine, with a heavy 5 o'clock shadow, and no disguise hid that fact.
Our reaction to our trans tenant is pretty typical of most people in this country. Live and let live. Adults can do whatever they want with their life. It's a free country, after all. Most adults recognize that other adults are free to do whatever they want.
Let's Settle the Terminology
Here are the terms you must know to understand the trans issue.
Assigned sex at birth: This means a persons actual or physical sex, determined at birth based on the child’s external anatomy.
Gender Identity: This means an individual's personal belief about their own gender. This is perhaps the most important definition and is at the heart of the trans world. In trans thinking, there is no connection between sex and gender and if a person believes or feels or thinks they are a gender other than their actual sex, what they believe, feel or think is more important than biological anatomy or DNA. What they believe, feel or think defines their gender.
Cisgender: A term for people whose gender identity generally matches their physical sex. In other words, cisgender people believe their gender and sex are the same.
Transgender: People whose gender identity does not match their physical sex. In other words, transgender people believe their gender is different than their physical sex.
Remember: even though sex is a biologically verifiable fact, gender identity is an opinion about one's own gender.
How Should We Act Around Trans People?
What are the Rules?
Because the transgender phenomena is relatively new on the scene, some people aren't sure of how to respond. In the past, as a culture, we have always defended peoples right to their own opinions and the right to live their life as they see fit, as long as they don't harm anyone else. We've all defended the idea that your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins (and I would add a little safety buffer zone in front of my nose!) These time tested principles, combined with respect should resolve most conflicts. But the respect has to be real and has to be mutual. Respect doesn't work, when it is just one way.
How Does This Look in Real Life?
If Joe wants to be Jo-Ann, fine. That is their choice. Why would any of us object to letting somebody live their life the way they want? You don't have to believe that Joe's sex has changed, just that Joe's gender identity has changed. And gender identity is one's opinion about their own gender. You can't really argue about somebody else's opinion. You are entitled to believe the truth, as best as you are able to perceive it. They are entitled to their own opinion.
Are you obligated to call Joe by the new name of Jo-Ann? In general, yes, people get to choose their own name. In the past, if you met somebody who said "I go by the name of Jimmy" you would have been out of line to say, "I happen to know your birth certificate says your name is Frank, so that is what I will be calling you!" Respect has always required us to make a good faith attempt to remember and use the name people prefer. New pronouns? Same thing, we should attempt to use the pronouns people ask us to use. Basic respect.
And when a mistake is made and an old name, or old pronouns slip out? Basic respect dictates the response to that. The trans person should respond graciously, with mutual respect. No big deal. Trans people can live their life as they see fit, but shouldn't require perfection of others who are making good faith attempts to accommodate new names and new pronouns, etc.
And when others, not of the trans world aren't comfortable with trans people in their locker rooms, their bathrooms, or their group showers? Mutual respect will solve this, also. Trans people, acting with mutual respect should not insist non-trans people allow them to use sex restricted spaces that don't match their physical sex. Respectful people should not insist on being admitted to spaces when doing so makes others uncomfortable. I would not insist on sitting at a table full of vegetarians to eat my lunch if my steak sandwich made the vegetarians uncomfortable.
Trans people should use the sex restricted spaces that are compatible with their genitalia. If they have actually completed the surgical transition, the same principle of respect suggests they should now use the sex restricted space consistent with their new genitalia.
Sports? Respect first! It is not fair to require people that don't accept trans ideology to compete with people they believe have a biological advantage. We have to show respect for everybody! Even Caitlyn Jenner, an accomplished athlete and probably the worlds most well known transgender person agrees that athletes should compete with their biological sex.
Let Common Decency and Respect
be Your Unfailing Guide with
Every One You Encounter!
Our world is changing and each of us are part of that change. We keep up with the changes, by honoring the time tested values that work!
Thanks for reading this week. If you would like to add anything please use the comment section below.
Take care and BE HEALTHY!
CW Jasper
November 2022
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